Journal Entry #4

Why am I invisible Lord?

Why did you choose this for me?

The vows I took so seriously no longer mean forever… they no longer mean anything. I’m here and people can see me but really I’m numb inside and I can feel a wall of tears building behind my eyes just wanting to release.

I’m searching my soul to find you Lord wondering if you are there.

I literally feel like I’m dying inside. This same story is on autoplay every. single. day. Why couldn’t he see how hard I tried? Why couldn’t he see that holding his hand for me was holding onto everything. Whats wrong with me? Why do I even love him? He hated everything that made me, me. He never put me and the kids first, not even second.

He wanted me to feel like nothing and it worked. People look at me but nobody really sees me.