Journal Entry #3

I don’t want to do this anymore. My spirit is weak. Often I find myself slumped on the floor sobbing. I can’t be emotionally present for my kids and I don’t even want to spend time with them because I failed them.

I wake in the middle of the night and my heart is racing and it takes everything I have to just catch my breath. I feel so alone and I can no longer see the difference between this pain in my heart and who I really am.

It hurts so bad to feel that no one needs you… God do you even need me? I’m such a disappointment to everyone around me. Even my family points out all my flaws. Please just give me another chance, I will change who I am if that will make him happy.

I’m just sitting here… listening to the sound of the rain. Its deafening. My mind is wondering to how it would be better not to be here anymore. I don’t even know the words to pray anymore. Thankfully the phone rang with saving grace.