Journal Entry #13

To my beautiful children

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the life and family you want and deserve. I’m sorry I yell. I yell more then I want to. I’m sorry I get upset about things that I shouldn’t get upset about. It hurts me more then you know.

Somedays are dark and it comes early and stays late. I’m sorry you see me cry. I try not to…. I try really hard.

Our world has changed and as I heavily debate my existence I want you to know that when I look in your eyes I know my purpose. Hearing your voices is healing medicine for my heart. You are everything good in this world. Oh Lord, thank you for these amazing children.

I don’t know where life is heading for us and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was afraid and hesitant. But everyday its like you all take my hand and lead me back to who I am.

Being a good mom through all this has been the bravest thing I have ever had to do. Its hard and really overbearing at times. You four are worth every effort and every tear and I love you beyond measure.

When I don’t speak right away know that its because I’m gathering my thoughts and courage because I don’t want to let you down. It’s a privilege to be your mom and the biggest blessing of my life.

Love Mom