Journal Entry #10

I’m so tired. Today I’m weary and the hurt in my heart is rippling through my whole body.

Is the hurt ever going to subside? I so bad want to tell you I love you. I so bad want you to love me.

If I would have known the last time you said you loved me would be the last I would have closed my eyes and paused to imprint it on my heart and in my mind. I can’t remember the last time I heard those words.

Your “I do” became “I don’t” and my dream has died. A part of me has died. Your rejection whispers to me that I am a failure and I am unloveable and deserve to be alone.

I wish you knew how hard I tried to love you right and make you happy.

I know you are there Lord but do you hear me cry out to you? Can you carry this weight for me because I can’t do it anymore.

I know my pain is nothing in comparison to the pain you felt that day on the cross when you saved my soul. Lord I want to be everything you made me to be but I can’t because I’m so broken. My spirit is struck Lord please I beg you to bring back my hearts song. If not for me because I am so undeserving for my kids so I can be the mom you call me to be.